Episode #005 - How to discover what you want

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Welcome to episode five of the Million Dollar Online Business Podcast. And my plans for this episode have deviated thanks to a review left for me by Adrian Salisbury from Pro Video Academy.


Adrian left me five stars, thanks Adrian, and he said: “So raw. I love the first episode and I know you're going to succeed. It's a great approach letting us come on the journey with you. And although, when you first asked me if I was looking to have $1 million business, my reaction was, no, that sounds too much like hard work. I just want to be comfortable. Now I realized that this was just a story I'd been telling myself. So yep, I'm up for the challenge and want to come on this journey with you. Let's go make $1 million each.”


A quick look through the other feedback I’ve received about the podcast confirms that  Adrian isn't the only one.


When we allow ourselves to think about what we want, what is possible for us, it can change everything.


Episode five was going to be about getting over our fears. But I’ve postponed that until later in the series, because you can only get over your fears when you really know what you want.


Why We Don’t Really Know What We Want

So many people I’ve worked with have been baffled when I asked ‘what do you want your life to look like?’


Often we regurgitate something that we've told ourselves for so long.


We are a product of the people and the influences that have been around us, and many of us have heard the classics:

  • I want, doesn't get
  • Money doesn't grow on trees.
  • That kind of thing doesn't happen to people like us.


Think about the beliefs you have and ask yourself where have they come from? Is that something that I actually truly believe or is it something that I've just conditioned myself to believe?


To give you an example, when I talk about my goal of making $1 million, people tell me that ‘money changes you’. But when I challenge that and ask for an example of when they’ve seen that happen, they can’t give me one.


When you allow yourself the freedom to think about what it is that you want, you can get that white heat desire to achieve it, and everything becomes much clearer.


It’s Not About The Money

Are you living your life how you want to be living it? Or are you putting constraints around yourself that actually you don't need money in order to have what you want?


So for an example, I walk my dog. I walk my dog every day. Whether I had money or didn't have money, I’d do this because it brings me pleasure, it helps me relax.  I love spending time playing with my dog. It's just one of those things that whether I had money or no money, I want to make sure I have that in my life.


What You Want Changes With Time

Another reason this is a great exercise to go through is because sometimes you have to catch up with yourself a little bit. You might have been striving towards creating something, you get there and then you realize that this isn't something that you want anymore.


Take my burnout as an experience. I had built in business that I adored. I loved my photography business, but suddenly I realized that it wasn't serving me anymore. For example, when the children were smaller I didn’t mind which day of the week I worked, but when the children were bigger that time at the weekend became more precious.


It's quite difficult to actually admit that something that you really wanted in your life is not actually what you want anymore.


So it's a good thing to check in on yourself and notice if what you want has changed.


Tailoring The Process

I've categorized the things that are important to me in my life into 10 sections.  Maybe not all 10 will apply to you. Maybe you’ll want to use less, more, or swap some out. Make it work for you.


These 10 work for me. And if I ever feel something’s a bit off, physically, or mentally, I check in with these 10 to identify which needs are not being met.


If you’re struggling to define what it is that you do want in any of the areas, then simply think about what you don't want because all you have to do then is just flip it over and look for the opposite.



When I burnt out, it was so painful when I realized that the problem was that I felt my business was taking me away from my family and I was really missing out on things.


While I was laying in bed, I worked out that I had something like 250 weekends with both my children before they reached an age when they wanted to do their own thing.


I wanted to make sure that I was there to watch the football matches. I wanted to make sure that I was there for their school award ceremonies. I wanted to make sure that, you know, we could go away on holiday during the summer holidays and have adventures together. I wanted to make sure that my time with them was of great value of fun and that we were supportive, that they felt loved and all of those things.


So have a think about your family:

  • What do you want your family life to look like?
  • What kind of parent do you want to be?
  • How do you want them to feel?


Whatever it is to you, write it down and actually visualize it. And then ask yourself where are you with that right now? Are you spending enough time with your children? Are you spending enough time as a family doing the things that you want to be doing?



I'm 48 and I want to really make sure that my health is as good as it can be.


I feel better for living a healthier life looking after myself. I respond well to exercise. I know it helps me mentally as well.


Ask yourself:

  • Are you actually really looking after yourself?
  • Are you having respect for your body?
  • Are you noticing the signs?
  • Are there any aches and pains?
  • Is there anything that you need to address?


You have one body and when you have a better level of health, everything else becomes more enjoyable in your life.





What do you want from your relationship now?


If you're single, do you want to be in a relationship? What kind of relationship do you want to be in?


Or maybe you're in a relationship that you do want to be. What do you want? Do you want to make that relationship better? Do you want to change your relationship?


Craig is my partner, and it’s important to me that we have time together. We need to go out and have a laugh together. We need to be able to make sure that we can communicate well, that we're tapped into each other in terms of what's going on, what are the stresses that you're going through together as a couple or individually? How can we best support each other? All those kinds of things.


Don’t just say ‘I want to spend more time with my partner’. Actually define what it is. What are the activities? What is the quality of the time that you are spending with them? What does that look like?





This is how I got into the online world. I had a set of boxes that my business needed to tick.  I wanted to make sure that I could run a business from home, it was scalable so I wasn’t exchanging time for money. 


Ask yourself some searching questions:

  • Are you fulfilled by what you do?
  • Are you working the kind of conditions that you want to be working?
  • Are you actually in the industry?
  • Would you rather work different hours in different ways?


If you're like me, your business is a central part of your life and therefore it's super important that it feeds, it feeds the rest of your life as well.





This relates to your friends, the people you spend your spare time with.


You might here advice to avoid friends who are negative. My feeling is you don't necessarily have to eliminate them, but you can balance how much time you actually spend with them.


Recognize who you’re really energized by, and those that you're not energized by.


Are you spending your time with the people that you want to be? Or are you habitually doing something just for the sake of it?




The same goes for your communities as well.


I'm involved in lots of things like the children's football, my daughter's activities, helping raise money for local charities and so on.


I love feeling a part of my local community, but also there are lots of other communities. I love being a part of my bootcamp community, and my local networking community.


Most people love to feel a part of something.


What is it that you want to feel a part of?


Are you part of the communities that you want to be a part of?


And if you're not, what can you do about that?


#7 FUN


Do you have enough fun in your life? What do you like to do for fun?


This can cross-over into other areas of your life.


We have fun things that we love to do as a family. We recently went go-karting and we had so much fun.


Recently I climbed Snowden. It was hard work, but it was fun. I just allowed myself to dedicate that day to me doing that.


So where is the fun in your life? Do you have enough fun? What do you want to be doing to ensure that you have some fun in your life?





This is a huge one.


Are you growing as the person that you want to be?


Are there things that you want to be achieving?


Are there new skills you want to acquire?


People that you want to see, who are going to enrich you as a person?




I've made lots of changes here recently and it’s made such a difference.


When I decided I was doing this project, I knew I needed to be in an environment felt like a space I could build $1 million online business in.


So I made some changes. I decluttered, I got rid of old things that were hanging around and I cleared the decks.


What are the things that stresses you out about the environments that you are in? Your home, your office, where you work, your car, whatever it is, what do you want from it?


For me, this was super important because I found that I wasn't able to fully relax in my home, and I wasn’t able to sleep a night.




I'm a massive fan of decluttering. If you've not read The Magic of Tidying with Marie Kondo, go and get it. When you have clutter around, it really affects so much.


So have a think about your home environment. What are the things that stress you out? What are the things that you would love to have? How do you want that environment to serve you? What changes can you make?  Is your environment a place that you can be creative in? And relax in?




Your finances can really dictate your next steps.


If you decide you want to have more time with the family, going on big adventures, these travel plans are going to cost you.


Or maybe you decide that you're only ever going to fly first class.


You might decide that for your health you're going to take on a personal trainer.


All of these things need money, right? And so this is why I want you to think about your finances.


It can be that you realize something isn't going to cost you as much as you thought it would.


When I flew to California to go to the Impact Summit in April, I seriously thought it was going to be a lot more money than it actually was for me to travel.


Find out how much things cost, then you can start to think about what your finances need to look like in order to serve your wants, your needs, your goals. And this is where it can, you know, really shape your business as well.


The reason I kept finances at the end is because if you allow yourself the luxury to really think about what it is you want your life to look like, then clearly you can start to look at the gap.


Where are you right now with all of this?


Where is the gap that you need to fill to get to where you want?


What can you do to make that happen?


I'm a massive fan of do what you can with what you've got.


By going through this exercise, it's really going to help you understand what is most important to you in this life. You have one life. Are you actually doing what you want to be doing with your life?

Love The Journey

Build your business in a way that you can enjoy the journey of building it. That it can be scaled at your own pace, in your own time, by doing something that you love.


And if you're in that space and you're crystal clear about why you want to be creating that business, about why you want to be helping those people, then you've got a reason to do it all. I hope that makes sense.


You are the basis of your business. You are the foundational block of Your Business.


Go back to that episode with Carrie Green, that exercise that she talked about where you imagine yourself at your own funeral. What are people saying about you? How do you want to be remembered? Are your actions and your behaviors and the way you're living your life right now congruent with that? Are you in alignment with the things you want to be achieving in your life?


And if you're not, why? How long are you prepared to stay doing the things that you're doing that aren't going to get you where you want to be? That's a big question to leave you with.


Once you understand what you actually want from your life then taking the steps to make it happen becomes so much easier.


As ever would love to know, you knew, what are your key takeaways that you've had from today's episodes. Have you had a moment of realization?


I can't wait to meet you over in the group where we can let this discussion go further and I'll be popping up a post to get the conversation going. What do you want? I can't wait to hear.



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